Deborah Farmer Kris on the Importance of Awe

“Awe is related to gratitude and wonder,” Kris says. “It’s the emotion we feel when we encounter something outside our ordinary frame of reference.” 

Kris explains that now more than ever, students and parents alike need to awaken their sense of awe. In times like these – where families are grappling with a persistent pandemic – tuning into those small but extraordinary moments of everyday life can do wonders for the mind, body and soul. 

Kris brings a wealth of knowledge, experience and research expertise to the Montrose community. She is a sought-after expert in the character and social-emotional development of children with a background in counseling psychology, education and literature. At Boston University she studied with Dr. Kevin Ryan and Dr. Karen Bohlin at the Center for Character and Social Responsibility, where she is now a senior asociate. Kris is a parenting columnist for PBS Kids and an education writer for NPR’s MindShift, and her work has been featured in The Washington Post and The Boston Globe Magazine.  Next month Kris will launch her picture book series, All the Time, with the first two books in the series, I Love You All the Time and You Have Feelings All the Time, available for purchase. 

Kris describes how emotional granularity – the ability to name emotions with specificity – can help us to navigate challenges. This well-developed emotional literacy can have an exponential effect on a person’s whole life, she explains.

“When you discover how to thrive in your emotional life, it can help you thrive in so many other ways as well.” Awe is one of those emotions worth knowing more about – and one that strengthens character traits such as compassion and humility.

Her experiences in education led Kris to another passion: parent education. 

“That is where change happens. And as parents, we need support.”

Parenthood can be lonely and overwhelming. But, Kris acknowledges, even small changes can make a difference. Kris advocates for tweaking rather than overhauling a parenting style or approach. Recently, Kris launched Parenthood365.com. She offers articles as well as nuggets of “1 minute wisdom” that offer quick and accessible parenting tips – perfect for the kind of small steps she advocates. 

But how does a parenting expert with decades of experience come to focus on awe? Much of Kris’s inspiration comes from the trials and circumstances of today’s world. In particular, the pandemic has put a special strain on this generation of parents and children.  Grit, she acknowledges, is a powerful tool for making it through tough times. But she adds, we cannot thrive on grit alone. Slogging through our complicated and chaotic days might get us through the hard parts, says Kris, but is not the same as thriving: “You don’t live life by just pushing through things.” 

“Between the COVID crisis and political disagreements, kids are feeling vulnerable in the world,” she explains, “but so are the adults. We all need to find the moments between the trials to find awe.” 

Kris encourages parents and children alike to seek the kind of experiences that take us out of our frame of reference and thrust us, gaping, into the moment. Awe reminds us that there is a reality beyond our perspective, and that realization has numerous effects on mind, soul and body. In fact, studies show that embracing awe can even reduce inflammation. 

At Montrose, this awareness of the whole child is built into every day.

“I absolutely love how every student is valued,” Kris says. “At Montrose, everyone is rooting for the child. We are all part of your team. There is the sense of the dignity of the person. Students develop habits and become experts at living.”